1. What's the difference between a mediator and an Attorney who does mediation?

I've worked with a number of couples who started their divorce process with mediators who were not attorneys. Although these couples found the mediation process helpful, they weren't ready to file for divorce when they finished their mediation.

Most mediators who are not also attorneys complete the process by giving the couple a Memorandum of Understanding. However, to be able to file this document with your divorce petition, the memorandum must be attached to the General Provisions (the rules or regulations mandated by law) which, in turn, creates the Separation Agreement. In addition, all the other necessary forms- joint petition for Divorce, Affidavits of Irretrievable Breakdown of the Marriage, Child Support Guideline worksheet, etc, must be completed, the couple need to understand the process of filing their divorce- from what each form means to where to go in the court house to what to ask the clerk, and be prepared to answer questions the judge may ask about their divorce agreement relating to alimony, child- support payments, financial division of marital assets and debt, etc.

I've found that my mediation skills combined with my legal knowledge helps couples to be fully prepared to complete their divorce. When we are done with the mediation, you have everything you need to walk into court. In addition, if you prefer, I will go with you to the courthouse, help you file your joint petition, walk you to the court room, check you in and be with you both while you wait to see the judge. I even drive my clients there if you choose, no worrying about directions, parking, etc. I know how the system works, I understand the stresses you are under and I honor the immensity of what you are doing.

2. What's the difference in cost between mediation and a typical divorce?

My mediations start at $2,500 and I usually complete the process very close to the ten hours that initial retainer affords. Complex issues involving, for example, business valuations or communication challenges will lengthen the mediation process but I still usually finish up costing less than what just one spouse would pay for an initial retainer to their attorney in a traditional divorce.

In a traditional divorce, each spouse hires an attorney and each attorney usually asks for a $5000 retainer. You're committed to $10,000 before you've even gotten started. But that initial retainer is just the starting point if emotions run high and there's a lengthy legal battle.

Mediation is much less adversarial so it is faster, much lower cost, and it usually results in a much lower cost in terms of damage to fragile relationships between spouses and children.

3. Must a mediator be certified?

Massachusetts has no mandatory mediation certification requirements. However there are many programs that offer a certification.

Understand what certification means; look at what a mediator had to accomplish to get their certification and look at their experience and knowledge; knowledge not just of how to do a mediation but an understanding of the laws the negotiation is based on. Find someone who keeps up on the law, understands the complexities of the issues and can facilitate the communication necessary to get you through this process.

Do your research and choose a mediator that matches your style and your needs. There are many effective models for mediation: facilitative, evaluative, interest based/problem solving, Getting to Yes. Most states have allowed mediators to choose their preferred method rather than requiring a certification for just one model. In addition, only four states have any type of required Mediation certification and again, Massachusetts is not one of those.

4. Why would mediation be a good choice?

Some people want their day in court. They're angry or upset, they want to make a point, and they see the process as a perfect method for retribution. But step back a moment and understand what Massachusetts law looks like in terms of divorce.

Massachusetts is a no-fault, fifty/fifty state.

It doesn't matter what either party did wrong or how mad you are or hurt or betrayed. A join marital asset is a joint marital asset and you can spend $2500 and a few months or $50,000+ and a few years and you most likely will get close to the same result.

Sure there are different circumstances and financial re-allocations, and alimony awards, and custody battles. I will never say that your "day in court" may not bring you a different result, but it most likely won't be much different than what you and you spouse can create on your own if you work together.

And you will be making those decisions. The Judge that decides the custody schedule, the marital asset allocation or the alimony award doesn't know your kids, your attachment to your home, your struggles and your goals.

Keep control of your lives, work together and make you own choices if you can.

5. What makes an effective divorce mediator?

There is a lot to being an effective mediator. Empathy, experience, the ability to see both sides, balance, listening skills, having three children, understanding child-rearing issues, having business experience, the ability to negotiate, being tough, being gentle, knowledge of the law! For more about me and my style, please read my testimonials.